Wow, it's been a long time since I ventured around here. Things are pretty much the same, except that I love Top Chef now. Marcel was robbed! So what if he couldn't get his salad dressing capsules to harden. So what if everyone on the show hated him because he's so talented and luscious. They're just jealous! Ilan is a prickish 12 year old. And Elia, can't even start talking about how two-faced she is. I want to like her, because she's Mexican like my beloved Gael Garcia Bernal. But that cannot save you when you're pure evil.

Anyway, I took this photo last night of all my babies, and I can predict Alanna's first 2 comments right now. But I'll let her post them, before I admit victory or defeat.

I Wet My Bed

No, not like that! I woke up this morning and discovered that at some point in the night, I brought my water bottle into bed with me and positioned it like a person would be, under the covers with its top on the pillow. All right. I turned over to go back to sleep, and then found myself swimming in pools of water, because in my completely-asleep state, I apparently didn't think it was important to put the cap back on. (It was important to tuck the bottle in though.) I hope everything has dried out by the time I have to sleep tonight, or I'm coming to your house, Darth Alanna.

Happy Birthday!

Let's hear it for today's birthday celebrant, Gael Garcia Bernal, for 28 years of smokin' hotness.
In related news I watched Motorcycle Diaries the other evening, and I really had no idea how lovely South America is. It makes me want to hop on my motorcycle and tour around for a year. Anyone want to come with?

Let's talk about Gael Garcia Bernal, shall we?

Is he a yumbot or what? I always kinda thought he had a spark of hotness but his pointy mouthmiddle drove me away. In recent months though I have encountered some of his movies, and I have changed my opinion. Time has helped me realize that not only is he in some pretty good movies, he's a super yummy... oh, wait.

All right, I'm back now. I got distracted by a rather one-sided freestyle battle with Alanna's brother. As I was saying, GGB is just fanfreakingtastic. He was so fun and cute in Science Of Sleep, even though I didn't care for that movie so much. And in Babel, driving around and dodging the feds and ditching his aunt and some kids in the desert in Mexico- what's not to love? And Y Tu Mama Tambien... so many reasons to like this one, even though I've never seen the beginning. You know what I'm talking about, ladies.

Having just seen The Island this weekend, I propose we clone GGB like they did to Ewan McGregor (which is also a good idea) and Scarlett PinkAssFace (not a good idea). I was saving my money for a new computer, but I think saving for a clone is much more practical.

Moving On

No one needs to read any more about the finale, or anything else about this season, and I have to say I'm almost totally over it myself. Usually in the PR post-season, I turn into an inconsolable weeping mess, just barely able to eat, sleep, and buy Kleenex. I watch PR on YouTube daily, driving my coworker crazy (though that's kind of on purpose). I emit sporadic loud shrieks of 'WHY? WHY? WHY does it have to be OVER? SANTINO? HELLO? TIM GUNN? ANYONE?'

But this time it's different, probably because I didn't care about any of the Final 4 with the same fervor I harbored for sweet Santino last season. Knight Rider, Laura, Uli... all affable, delightful people (and one not-so-delightful person whose name I dare not mention), but none jumped out at me as a favorite. As said coworker pointed out, sweet Bradley's early departure has proven a blessing. It saved me from being too interested in the final disappointing outcome. While I do miss the weekly dose of Tim Gunn, he's a media queen now, so I can see him anywhere, anytime. I can see him at my mother's house, for crying out loud- she has a photo of us displayed prominently on her piano. Greeeaaaat.

So now, until PR 4 debuts, I will have to talk about other things. Anyone have any suggestions? :)

Daniel Franco, where did you go?

He went to Fashion Week, and Kim and I were there to watch. After going to the wrong building entrance and being told the show had been at 2 pm, not 3 (quelle horreur!), we finally found the correct door and took our (really good) seats. We watched Tim Gunn come in, to much fanfare and photography and autographs. We watched Malan and Angela and Chloe and Diana and Emmett and Marla (with a terrible haircut) trail in and take their front-row seats opposite us. And we saw a guy who looked like Bradley but we didn't believe was Bradley. Must wait to see what he looks like on the reunion show, being filmed this week.

The clothes were great and I was impressed. The show was sponsored by Nikon and so several models (including this season's Nazri) walked down the runway taking photos of the crowd. No gifty bags but we did get some kind of free ringtone card, and some mints and a pen from Mercury.

It was over so fast, and then we ate Indian food. And thus ends my lone Fashion Week experience. Thanks for the (indirectly acquired) tickets, Daniel Franco!

I am so jealous that I did not a) go to Paris, and b) go to Paris and eat dinner with Tim Gunn. How is life so unfair?

The task at hand is to make a couture gown, which apparently you need a permission slip signed by the UN and president of France to do, AND to do it in 2 days. Jeffrey's goal was to make something 'happy, joyous and free' and if by that he means 'ugly, yellow and repulsive' then I guess he accomplished it. I was worried for Laura, her dress looked fancy but not couture. I thought perhaps she was sabotaging herself on purpose since her pregnancy was beginning to affect her. And who shows like that at 3 months? Maybe she's having triplets. And congratulations to Wincent- he's beginning to show too! His wifebeater gave it away.

On to the boat ride. The clear winner here is Catherine Malandrino. Her dress was STUNNING. I loved it. Loved it! Still love it. I have to say, I rather liked Kayne's gold extravaganza, particularly the lacing up the back. Jeffrey's was abhorrent to the trillionth degree. I might perhaps have liked it a little more if it hadn't been yellow. And it was cut so high- I think I saw underpants. Knight Rider was right to be "sweatin' like a whore in church" cause that dress was not only not finished, it was not flattering. Uli's was fancy and appropriate, and I disagree with her that it looked better in Paris. I think it looked better on the American model because she's more stacked.

Wincent is going home! For once I agree with Nina Bitchcia- the back of his dress should have been the front. He's clearly crazy but I learned to like things about him, such as his concern for people's feelings, love of sweet Bradley, and balls-out craziness. Good luck, Wincent! This time you really did get yourself off.

This week the challenge was to create an outfit for an international jetsetter. I missed the beginning of this episode the first time around because I was at the movies seeing Half Nelson, which was great. Ryan Gosling needs to have a beard always. Anyway, long story short, they make outfits and then Heidi surprises them with a trip to Paris. ooh la la! And Tim Gunn goes along for the ride. Like Jeffrey I too wish Tim Gunn would pop up in my life every once in a while, just to check in, see what's happening.

Once in Paris, Angela is eliminated pretty much right after she comments on the existence of windows in the workroom. What a shame she'll never be able to work in that breezy, sunlit, croissant-scented room. C'est la vie! I cheered for a good 5 minutes after she said goodbye, in my apartment and downstairs to put out the recycling, and back up the stairs. My neighbors must have thought I was insane unless they were watching PR too, and understood what I meant by 'ANGELA'S OUT!'

Catherine Malandrino- quelle bitch! She gets right to the point, don't she? I heard they had to do many takes because she was too mean to the designers the first few times.

Till next week... thinking about croissants...

Can't we all just get along?

Finally, weeks after it was on, I am commenting on the Mom episode. I've been busy and unmotivated.

First, I TOTALLY called this challenge. I wrote in an email to my friend Philip that day that I thought the designers would be designing for their moms. How cute were those moms?! Kayne's mom said she was going to walk the runway like the models, and embarrass Kayne. Sassy! Angela's mom Darlene looks really young. Jeff's mom reveals he was a drug addict and alcoholic. Fine, but does that mean he can be nasty to people? Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself.

The trip to Tavern on the Green with Joan Kors proved fun and educational. We learned that Knight Rider was an adorable child, Laura is pregnant, and Jeffrey was not entirely unattractive in his teen years. I guess it took time to really let the nasty personality shine through. And if I had a dollar for every time someone drinks champagne on Project Runway, I'd be able to buy . . . well, something expensive.

Wincent was impressed with Uli's mom Heidi's 'European flair.' I'm pretty sure that's because she's from Europe, fool.

How cool is Laura, saying she'll throw the new baby on the pile with the rest? I love this woman.

On to the workroom. Jeffrey seriously needs to chill. I don't think Momgela was trying to set him up at all, I think he never bothered to ask her if she liked what he was making because he didn't care. He even said he didn't care if she liked it. In the words of Erasure, a little respect, people! He shouldn't have been rude to someone's mom, someone's mom who is in the room with him, and someone's mom who is in the room with him while his OWN mom is also in the room. So, so wrong. And why didn't Momrey smack him down, instead of telling Momgela to make the best of it, or whatever lame-ass thing she said? It's not right, no matter how much anyone dislikes Angela. Even Santino wouldn't have spoken to a mom like that, and his mom would have beat him if he had.

Jeffrey said Momgela looked cute, which is wrong. She looked horrible and he knew it. I liked Uli's outfit, it really fancied up Momyne, and she should have won. Knight Rider and Wincent had the advantage of working with the slim ladies, and I liked both of theirs but didn't love either one. Robert- back to Blah City! Laura's was kind of blah to me too, surprisingly. Bravo to Momli for coming here, without speaking any English, to parade around in a possibly awful dress on international television. What a gal.

I predicted Uli would win, and was wrong, but I correctly predicted Robert would be out. And what a sweet goodbye from his girlfriend Kayne! Who will he trash talk Laura with from now on?

Last Friday in the NY Daily News there was a blind item that read thusly:

"Which reality contestant who just got kicked off the show was targeted
over a more deserving deportee because the program's hostess hated her
so much?"

Oh, hm. Let me think about that one. I've no idea!

Perhaps Heidi Klum didn't lke sharing the young blond spotlight with Alison (Uli doesn't count, because she's older than Heidi). Or perhaps she got the same rich-girl prep-school I-can-finance-my-clothing-line-with-my-trust-fund vibe off her that I did. Either way, sayonara to Alison. She was clearly peeved to be off the show, and to have Angela outlive her, to boot. Don't fret- hopefully Angela will join you this week.

I thought this challenge was going to be something to do with Newark Airport, because Tim said they needed closed-toe shoes, and were headed for Jersey. Laura gets mad props for commenting on Jersey's hideousness; I knew I liked this woman. So Kayne grew up dumpster-diving. This did not surprise me, and made me like him more until all the snipey remarks about Laura, while in the nosh room with Robert AND backstage at the runway AND in the workroom. Then Laura and Vincent fighting... Tim Gunn with the unkind words about the 'fat' model.. what is happening? Bradley gets sent home and the cattiness increases like fifteenfold- clearly he held the workroom's mystical happy force in his fuzzy blond hands.

Vincent gets crazier and crazier but at the same time, more sympathetic. He is kind of aggravating to watch but is probably fun to be friends with. So Robert recycles plastic and exboyfriends.. been there, sister.

On to the clothes. Nothing impressed me this week, except Kayne's. I have to say, I really dug it. I didn't care for Knight Rider's and don't know why the judges flipped out about it. Didn't Kathy Bates wear that dress in Fried Green Tomatoes? Her husband didn't like it then, and I don't like it now. Vincent said he made 'a gay old party dress,' but I don't know any gay folk who would wear that. Alison's dress was okay, and did look like a paper brioche, but why is that bad? If the model is indeed 'plus-sized,' she would probably enjoy looking like a brioche. Michael Kors said Jeffrey's was 'ugly-beautiful.' How about just ugly? Or how about horrifically, run-away-screaming ugly?

So Knight Rider wins again, Alison leaves, Angela goes back to Atlas and casts yet another blindness spell on the judges. And I sit on my floor contemplating life, pizza, and Bradley's importance in the metaphysical Project Runway universe, not necessarily in that order.